MY KINDA LIFE
BLOGS

Do you feel the “spark” has died down in your relationship? Do you still kiss as much? Has sexual intimacy started to decline? Are you still as passionate about your partner as when you first met? Although there might be many reasons why the flame is decreasing, a common cause may be that you have stopped putting in the work necessary to keep the flame alive. Just because the flames have died down, it doesn’t mean the fire is out. Many relationships go through a phase where the “spark” fizzles out, and the romance, fun, and infatuation with your partners start to subside. The initial “honeymoon” phase feelings are no longer there, and you start wondering what happened to that passion. As with most relationships, the beginning phase is always fun, full of excitement, passion, and romance. However, as time passes, that initial phase starts wearing off, and comfort starts settling in. It can be easy to take your partner for granted when you get comfortable in your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with getting comfortable; it’s one of the best parts of being in a long-term relationship: the “in love” feeling matures into more “love and caring” emotion, but this comfort mustn’t cause you to overlook your partner or to give up on the possibility of a bit of excitement. Making excuses not to have date nights, sex, or time alone to communicate with each other becomes the norm of the relationship. You slowly drift apart and start resenting one another for the slightest mistake, action, or inaction that your partner makes. You notice their imperfections and lose sight of the initial reasons why you fell in love with them. Here are a few other reasons why the flame has started dying down: You stopped communicating and sharing your whole self. Over time, as couples begin to feel secure with each other, they no longer invest the time and effort necessary to communicate as they used to at the beginning of the relationship. You wanted to know everything about them in the beginning, so you made an active effort to engage in conversations. Later in the relationship, you may not be as attentive, which can come across as dismissive to your partner. Try being present and mindful when conversing. Real intimacy involves ongoing honest communication about things, good and bad, which is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. You stopped prioritizing sex and time alone together. Physical intimacy is a very important part of any romantic relationship. If you find yourself in a bit of a dip due to stress or lack of time, it can be worth pursuing intimacy through scheduling time together. As unromantic as that might sound, it can be fun to have something penciled in that you can look forward to. Make the necessary time for your partner, this will reassure them that they are a priority to you. Spend quality time alone without friends, family, or children to keep the flame burning. Spend one-on-one time with your partner, by going on date nights, lunches, or events together. You don’t have enough time apart and you stopped growing Often times we believe that for a relationship to work, we need to be compatible in every area of our lives. However, relationships work just as well when both can do things apart, as well as together. Therefore it is perfectly fine to not share the same hobbies. A healthy relationship requires each person to find ways to make themselves happy by not depending on the other person to do it for them. Personal growth is also important throughout the relationship. You can’t stay the same from day to day. You need to grow and learn as an individual, but also you need to learn and grow together, as a couple. If you are not certain on how to start growing closer to your partner, the following are few suggestions that you can try as a couple to rekindle the flame: Find out their love language and ask for something new every week We all love and give love in different ways, and you need to find out what your partner’s love language is. What makes them feel loved. Both partners must ask for one thing each week that the other one must do. For instance—giving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and/or physical touch. Doing this diligently will turn into a habit. Put your phone down and make eye contact Make a conscious effort to spend less time on your phone when you are together. Make a rule of no cell phones at the dinner table, just before bedtime, on date nights, or when having a conversation. When you are talking, make eye contact with your partner as it produces neural synchrony and releases oxytocin. It will also show them that you are actively listening and care about what they have to say. At an event, try and lock eyes in a crowded room as you did at the beginning of your relationship. Try something new together Break out of your normal habits or activities and try something new together like cooking classes, paint nights, mountain biking, or any activity that both partners will enjoy. Keep it fun and exciting. Seeing your partner in a new environment will teach you new things about them, and you might fall in love with them again. Research has shown that activities filled with adrenaline will release oxytocin that brings couples closer together. Try to impress each other and put some effort into your appearance During the dating phase of your relationship, you went all out to impress each other. You wore heels, put on make-up, splashed some cologne, wore a nice shirt, and brought her flowers. Although your partner has seen you at your worst and still loves you, make that effort to impress them again. If you see that they are making an effort, compliment them so they can feel appreciated. Make an effort with sex and intimacy Discuss with your partner what you would like from the relationship when it comes to being intimate. Find a comfortable compromise when the sex is too much or not enough. If both partners are open to exploring, try something new in the bedroom. Intimacy is not just about the act, but also all forms of physical touch. Extend your cuddle time, hug more often and place a hand on your partner when they are near. Schedule time for conversations Can you remember when was the last time you had a real conversation with your partner? One that didn’t involve small talk just before bedtime. It’s normal that the real, emotional conversation dies down with time. Reasons might include you are either more focused on watching TV, playing with the kids, being on your phone, or working till late. Schedule some time to check in on each other and have a deep, meaningful conversation about your feelings or any issues that are important to discuss. There are some techniques that can be used to assist with better communication. If you struggle with talking, perhaps write a letter to your partner conveying your feelings. Regardless of what got you in this dip of your relationship accept what is happening and stop pretending that there isn’t a problem. Get clarity on what is going on before speaking to your partner. Ask yourself the following questions: Is the sex drive not there anymore? Do you get annoyed with your partner? Do you have doubts about your level of commitment or compatibility? Do you not trust them anymore? Do some soul searching of what is going on and then speak to your partner. Have an open and honest conversation without blame or judgement and be vulnerable to discuss your true feelings. Do not project your feelings onto your partner, but share your own experience and how you feel. Listen carefully without interrupting or trying to justify your actions or inaction or trying to change their perspective about the situation. Their feelings are valid, and you need to create a safe space for them to be vulnerable and speak their mind. The effort to maintain a special connection with your partner can lessen and the fire you felt at the beginning can slowly fizzle out. But as long as both partners are motivated and willing to make an effort, it is possible to reintroduce that excitement back in your relationship. Focus on the positive aspects of your partner and why you fell in love with them at the beginning. Have fun together and schedule time alone to do things that both enjoy. It will not be easy to rekindle the flame, but with time, patience, and work, you can connect with your partner again. Should you need assistance with any relationship issues, please feel free to contact me. Debbie Hartmann, Life, Relationship and Teen Coach @ My Kinda Life Coaching.

Inner conflict and the lessons we can learn from it Have you ever felt in a situation or while deciding that “one part” of you wants to do something, but the “other part does not? That two opposing parts inside of you is in conflict? This blog deals with inner conflict and the lessons you can learn from them. Inner conflict is also known as internal conflict, and it deals with a person’s psyche as a whole. What is inner conflict? Inner conflict occurs when a person is conflicted between two opposing ideas, demands, impulses or choices. It is an ongoing battle between one’s thoughts and emotions, and it usually arises when you’re faced with making a decision. It generally involves a struggle between doing what you think you “ought” to do and being your true self. Internal conflict (in psychological terms) is ideas, feelings and thoughts that disagree with one another. It is the settling of indecision usually caused by having more than one impulse for action. For example: “I know I should end my relationship because it’s unhealthy, but I need the financial support. What to do?!” Another great example is: “I deserve that promotion, but I don’t know if I will be good enough”. One part believes in your capabilities, but the other part does not. Usually, internal conflict creates a feeling of being “stuck” or stagnant. Moreover, it makes you feel like there is no way out or a win in that situation and creates feelings of fear, anger, resentment, or disgust. As a result, people experiencing inner conflict either suppress, deny or withdraw from circumstances that exaggerate the situation or believe it does not exist. There are many types of inner conflict that a person can experience. 8 Types of Inner Conflicts Religious conflict An example of religious conflict could be believing in a loving God but finding it hard to accept that this “loving” being sends people to hell for eternity. Moral conflict An example of moral conflict could occur when a person believes in human rights but doesn’t believe in euthanasia. Love conflict An example of love conflict may occur when we love a person and wish to keep them but realize we must let them go. Self-perception/ self-image conflict For example, a person who believes they’re honest might lie on their resume to get their dream job. Political conflict For example, a person may believe in the political philosophy but struggle to support the politician propagating it. Existential conflict For example, wanting to live life to the fullest but not wanting to make any changes or get out of your comfort zone. Interpersonal conflict For example, an introvert doesn’t have much energy but creates a high-energy façade to fit in with others. Sexual conflict For example, a person might be a faithful Christian, but they don’t condemn sex before marriage. 5 Lessons you can learn Inner conflict happens mostly unconsciously, and a person might not be aware of the internal struggle. It is beneficial in the healing process when a person is familiar with their state of mind and being. With that said, here are lessons you can learn from experiencing inner conflict: Character development: When resolving inner conflict, it builds your character and helps you measure how much you have grown and changed. It also helps with self-improvement if and when it yields good results. Build your values: Often, our struggle moulds and helps us see what’s more important, both externally and personally. We can re-align our values to find inner peace again. Self-Healing: Inner conflict can create a space for people to introspect about their lives and heal the areas where they experience conflict. Goal development: Inner conflicts also help one set goals for themselves as they will be mindful enough to know what is right and wrong and change accordingly. It teaches assertiveness and decisiveness: Inner conflict gets you caught between 2 ideas or desires. Healing from this breeds more certainty and determination in a person, so much so that they are unmoved in the way they live their lives and with everything that involves their well-being. Lesson learnt, what’s next? Although there are great lessons to learn, one must take time to resolve and learn from it. It is a daily commitment to improving and self-reflection on what is causing the inner conflict. When it is not resolved, it may cause a person to live an unfulfilling life and experience various negative emotions. Yes, the battle is with yourself. Here at My Kinda Life, I have a trademark therapy to help you resolve your inner conflict. My services include the following: Inner conflict resolution Negative emotions therapy Self-love and self-esteem enhancement Goal setting Finding your life purpose Buddhist psychology, the Dalai Lama once said: ” According to Buddhist psychology, most of our troubles stem from attachment to things that we mistakenly see as permanent.” Therefore, I encourage you to take action steps, stop procrastinating or avoiding your internal issues and decide to resolve your inner conflict today. Feel free to view the services I have in place to assist you in creating the life you deserve. You can also read my series of blogs to gather understanding on various matters that relate to inner conflict. Contact us and find out how I can assist you in becoming the best version of yourself. I will be the most significant investment in your life!

The teenage years, otherwise known as adolescence, prove to be the most challenging and intricate time of young persons’ lives. With the rapid brain development and hormonal changes, there are many things that teens go through. From trying to understand what is going on with themselves, and their bodies to the changes in their lives. Thank goodness for life coaching for teenagers! This blog explores practical life skills that teenagers can learn from online coaching. What is teen coaching? Teen coaching is an entry point into self-discovery and self-improvement. It deals with different areas of the teens being and life. These include (but are not limited to) personal growth, social anxiety, educational progress, and mental wellness. Teen coaching aims to tap into, maximise and reach their full potential. Read more on my website. Online coaching is the same as one-on-one coaching. However, it is facilitated virtually through video calls. The same life skills applied in the one-on-one sessions are communicated and shared with teens online. My Kinda Life Coaching Skills for Teens Be it personal coaching or online coaching, at My Kinda Life, I go above and beyond to ensure that teens get the best advice to propel them into the best versions of themselves so that they can thrive in their growth through life. The reality is that the world teens live in today is so much more complex than back in the day. Having acknowledged that, we also need to be mindful of anxiety and depression looming around them and being part of their lives. Family issues can trigger these mental illnesses, changes in their lives, bodily changes, pressure from school, peer pressure, and friends. There are a wide variety of factors that cause teenagers not to be well or motivated, for that matter. Fortunately, life coaching has benefits that help teens with more mindfulness, responsibility, and skills. Let’s explore those skills a bit more: Self-Love, emotional resiliency, and affirmations. Academic motivation. Decision-making skills. Confidence and self-esteem building. Body image improvement. Stress management skills. Interpersonal skills, open communication. Transitional and adaptation skills. Goal development and how to achieve them. Consequences of their actions. There are so many more skills to learn through life coaching. Meet your life coach and see just how much more you can benefit from these sessions. If you are a teenager reading this and want online coaching, get in touch with me. You can also follow me on Facebook or Instagram. If you are a parent reading this and would like your teen to benefit from my online coaching service, do not hesitate to reach out and invest in creating the life they deserve. Like Brian Tracy states: “If you can change your thinking, you can change your life.” That is the mandate at My Kinda Life, and I am here for teens who want to create a beautiful future for themselves.